so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
