She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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