why didn't you poke me back
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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