Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
