Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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