Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
