is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
