I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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