she was so not down for the gang bang
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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