i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
