I bet he comes in French.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
