i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
