You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
