Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
