Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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