i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
