I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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