So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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