i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
