If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
