you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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