ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
