drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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