I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
