Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
