I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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