I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
