he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
