Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I will die if light touches me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize