I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
