Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
