Got a toothbrush?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
