I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
