im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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