is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
