Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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