some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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