It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
