you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
