i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
