yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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