I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize