saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
