Do you still have your period?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
