okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
