He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
