she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
