You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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