we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
