you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
