ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
