He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
