She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
