"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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