If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
