I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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