Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the day after is always just damage control
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
