Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
