my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
