I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
