16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
