I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
