We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
