you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
