I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
