just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
