Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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