A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
