What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
